I know I’ve been gone for a while, what with my own schooling, the kids’ schooling, and whatnot, but I came back on this, my Armchair Mama day - to find crap. Absolute crap. Who hired all these people, and WHAT were they thinking??!!??
Semi-Homemade? This woman killed a good 15 minutes yammering, and 15 minutes making recipes that I can find at any halfway decent church bazaar. I want what she’s smoking. Scrapbooking does not combine well with food, honey - and….why is she mixing drinks? This is…a cooking show….isn’t it? Did I just enter the twilight zone? This is supposed to be a baseball tailgate. Why is she serving philly cheesesteaks wrapped in a *thin* strip of parchment paper? with *shrimp* skewers?
I now understand the concept behind the Rachel Ray drinking game - you’re so plastered in the first 5 minutes that you don’t give a rip about the rest of the program. Her voice…I’m quite sure it’s used on school buildings when the sandblaster won’t get the graffitti off. A garbage bowl? you can’t afford a trashcan? Now I understand why people are boycotting each and every box with her face plastered on it. How the hell did this woman rate an hour and a half of your programming??!!??
Michael Chiarello? I love you. Please dear god in heaven - if they want to change your show, PROMISE me that you’ll quit.
Paula honey? I have to admit I hated that they stuck a Georgian into a Kentucky accent (I freely admit to being somewhat picky about how the southern accent is portrayed in the media) but I love that you still have your “down home” ways for the most part on TV. It’s nice to see that you’re still presenting deep-fried goodies. I’d love it if I could see a lil less of you though. (I know, a fat chick snarking a fat chick, right?) But really, honey - since you got married, your figure’s taken a significant hit and I’m QUITE sure you’re better able to afford a gym membership than I. (Also? I’m REALLY glad that Michael Chiarello follows your show - he’s a nice, pleasant, palate-cleansing chef.)
Ina Garten, I’m not sure how the name “Barefoot Contessa” fits into your whole schtick but you rock. Ditto what I said for Michael - quitting is preferable to having your cooking (and therefore integrity) compromised.
Dear FoodNetwork, I want you to know that after today, I won’t be watching you anymore. I have my DVR set to record Good Eats, but even that is most likely going by the wayside now that I can buy the DVD collection. Good luck chasing your market…whatever it is.
Invectively,
Emily
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ina garten is the coolest thing on earth. what do you like about her most?
Oh Ina, how do I love thee–let me count the ways.
Her food is elegant, yet approachable.
Her techniques speak of experience
-efficient, confident, professional.
Her voice…ah her voice is a balm to my soul.
I wish my children would eat this food.