Y’know, I often think about that. The words that come out of my mother’s mouth sometimes….and how differently I’ll react to them. I work SO hard to NOT be my Mom…but sometimes she comes spilling out. There have even been times when something came out of my mouth, and I looked around to see where she was.
How different my life would be if she had chosen more carefully her words. Some of her best:
Mom, there’s a very good reason for me being sick for the last week. I’m pregnant.
Well…..I HOPE you’re glad you’ve RUINED your life.
It’s 7 in the morning on a Saturday. Who died?
I just called to tell you it’s wrong, you know it’s wrong, and God’s gonna get you for it.
Mom, what are you talking about?
Has he been there all night?
Uhm, yeah? (isn’t that obvious?) He loves me….
bullSHIT
…and asked me to marry him…..
bullSHIT
Well, I can see THIS conversation is going nowhere. I’m going back to bed.
I love you, honey, and I’ll be praying for you.
*click*
Mom, I lost the baby.
*gasp* you had an ABORTION, didn’t you?
*click*
Do you know what those people were thinking? They were thinking “look at that white trash woman yelling at her kids in the middle of Walmart”.
Actually, MotherDear, I think they were glad that I pulled my kids out of the way. And I DIDN’T yell.
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I’ve met your mom, and I can really hear her saying those things in her…uh..mommy voice of hers and it’s SCARY!