Don’t Shake the Tree part 3

The story of my third child and second son:

On the vacation (mentioned in the previous post) I hooked up with a man that I had been talking to online. I was planning on moving to the state we were vacationing in, and he gave us the tour of his city. We did the whole she-bang…looked at houses big enough for both of our families, I looked in the classifieds for work there. Our daughters were close in age and became instant friends. One night as we were cuddling, I asked him if he wanted more kids, and if he wanted a boy or girl. He said he wasn’t ready for kids right now. I repeated – “boy or girl” and he said he wanted a boy. Eventually. But not right now.

As they all do, our vacation ended and I had to come back to face whatever was left of my relationship. I continued to talk and plan my move to the other state whenever he was online, while trying to maintain a “roommate” relationship with my son’s father.

As I mentioned earlier, I got sick. I was trying to talk to my online friend and explain to him that I really was honest-to-goodness sick. He started talking about moving and finding jobs there – that I really needed to come back and apply for jobs in person with resume in hand. As he was saying that, I got too nauseous, dashed for the bathroom to throw up. When I came back, I told him “We’ve been over this. I’m sick and I need to lay down.” He came back with “Whatever” and logged off.

I got home, got settled in and significantly de-stressed. I stopped vomiting and started to feel like myself again. I assumed that the pressure from the plane had helped the fluid in my ears to go its merry way. As I was going through my calendar, I realized that I hadn’t had a cycle in months. No big deal since I was still breastfeeding my toddler, but I made an appointment at the Dr. just in case. As you already know, dear reader, that test turned + so fast they did another test to make sure the first one wasn’t defective. Well, that certainly explains the vomiting and dizziness. They sent me to the sonographer while I was there to determine gestation since I wasn’t sure when I conceived. I got to see a 17 week lil boy floating on that screen.

I went through the pregnancy basically alone. Yes, I moved back in with my parents, but their idea of support is made by L’eggs. I didn’t fit in with my old friends anymore – too much natural living for them. My blood pressure went up, I spent days laying on the sofa on my side. I also went through the pregnancy not totally sure of paternity. I was 90% positive it was NOT my X’s baby, but that little kernel of doubt kept me from saying anything to either of them about it.

When he came out of me, I *knew* he wasn’t my X’s baby. As he gets older, I think he resembles his father more and more. I called and left messages on his machine. When that failed, I emailed and told him it was possible that he’d reproduced, and a link to the baby’s online photo album. I was hoping he would see a resemblance to himself. He replied with “Anything’s possible.” and asked for the babe’s blood type. I asked for his family medical history. No answer. I emailed again, 5 days later saying “I promise you won’t hear from me again, but I need this info for the baby.” He replied.

I look at him, with his sweet gumless smile and say things like “Your daddy would be so proud of you!” I hope I’m not lying to him. To this day, I don’t know if his father ever looked at the pictures – nothing was said about it.